Luckily, I still have my busted-ass old timey radio. That comes in real handy when it starts to squeal and shit while the weird armless monsters come up and start puking shit on me. I beat them all to hell again with my trusty stick. After I dealt with the creeps I started to systematically check the door to every apartment. I didn't knock or anything, I just tried to waltz in like I owned the place. If anyone was home and wanted to give me shit, well...I had a big fucking stick to deliver to them, address: Their Face.
First, I decided to check out the laundry room. I took a peek in a garbage chute because why the fuck not? There was some trash stuck in there. I couldn't reach it, but MAN I really wanted that trash! I figured I could find a bowling ball or a six pack or something to throw down there and knock the trash free. I started to find some rooms on the second floor that were unlocked. Finally, we're getting somewhere. But these places were Fucked Up! These people lived like animals. Furniture was all smashed up, blood was everywhere, and not a bowling ball or six pack in sight! This one room had this mannequin just sitting in the middle of the room. At least someone left a flashlight sitting there, BONUS! Now I can see and read maps and- HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! Right there behind the mannequin was another mannequin, but this one was freaky as fuck! Oh yeah, and it was moving. It had no head (of course) and seemed like it was made entirely out of legs. I wasted exactly zero seconds bringing the Stick of Obliterating down on THAT fucking thing, I shit you not.
I felt a little weird after my mannequin encounter so I decided to pick up the pace here and walked faster as I methodically checked each and every door in the building. The next room I found had one main room which was empty, and a room off to the side with a grandfather clock. I saw scratches on the ground that seemed to indicate the clock had been pushed around before. That seemed like a good use of my time, so I decided to give it a push too. But the damn thing wouldn't budge, and it was NOT that heavy so...I dunno, maybe I'll come back later and try to push it again. When I left the clock room I saw that the hallway going further into the building was blocked by a metal gate. But not like a normal security door or anything, just a series of vertical metal bars like some medieval prison. I decided I'd seen all that floor two had to offer and went back to the stairwell and went up to the third floor.
Most of the 3rd floor was inaccessible because of another prison gate, but I DID see a key on the ground just on the other side of the gate. I went to reach for it when this snotty little girl shows up and laughs in my face as she kicks the key just out of my reach! The girl ran off, which was lucky on her part as I was about to see just how far my pal Mr. Big Fucking Stick could reach through the bars. The only room I found I could get in had a shopping cart sitting in it. I was about to leave when I noticed that someone left daddy a present. I did a little shopping of my own and pocketed the 9mm pistol I found. Now it is on. I decided to go back down to the 2nd floor. Maybe I could find another way up to the 3rd floor and introduce that little girl to my new friend, Glocky the 9mm. Thankfully this apartment must have been full of NRA nuts, cuz there was 9mm ammunition everywhere!
As I was aimlessly wandering the 2nd floor I heard a noise up by the clock room. As I approached I saw some dude standing on the other side of the gate. The guy was covered in blood, but he was also wearing some huge red cone on his head. I dunno what his problem was, but he gave me the creeps. But he wasn't doing much of anything, so I went about my business, and he, presumably, went about his.
Now I know I went into this room before, but now there was more shit in the room now. An armchair was now in the room and a television showing nothing but static. Oh! And some dead dude too. He was just chilling in the lazy boy, large quantities of his blood painting the TV set. I also found a key on a shelf next to Chuckles and The Blood Tube. It looked like a key to the first floor so I went to check that out. Maybe I'd find something there to justify me creeping through this damn apartment building.
The only room worth a damn on the first floor was that of an avid butterfly collector. The bedroom not only had a wall full of pinned and framed and dead butterflies, but also a bunch of alive butterflies flying all over. I immediately wondered what butterflies ate and how much they pooped. There was a completely not-creepy hole in the wall, so I decided the prudent course of action would be to shove my hand in it and grope around. After all, there was about a 0% chance of anything uncomfortable happening in this strange deserted apartment building. Meh. Just a key for the grandfather clock.
Back on 2 in the clock room I opened the clock face. I checked the wall where someone scratched a message that was a thinly veiled hint of how to position the clock hands. I didn't have a clue why I was here in a nearly-deserted apartment complex playing with some stiff's grandfather clock, but I imagined maybe I could still find that little girl and teach her what happens when you fuck with a stranger with a gun.
The clock could be moved once the hands were in the right position. Not real sure how exactly moving the hands of the clock made the clock go from the weight of a dying star to pushable time piece weight, but whatever. I went through a hole behind the clock and came out on the other side of the gate where the cone head had been standing earlier. Nothing to see here so I headed upstairs.
I found an open room on the 3rd floor. When I walked in I found the cone head fucking around with a couple of the freaky mannequins. He seemed real busy, so as to not bother him whilst he tried to forcibly insert two sentient mannequins into a garbage disposal I decided to see what was inside a nearby closet. With the door closed. Apparently I did not move to the closet expediently enough because cone head decided to come have a look-see in the closet once he was done playing with the mannequins. I decided now would be a good time to point Glocky at the closet door and pull the trigger a dozen times.
Cone head did not seem to really mind the bullets that much. But I must have hurt him emotionally because he decided he wasn't welcome and strolled off, presumably to put more living things into garbage disposals. I came out of the closet (ha ha) and found the treasure I'd been looking for all along: a six pack of juice! I sprinted to level 2 (again) and tossed that six pack down the garbage chute so hard.
I headed down to the first floor, a grin of complete bliss on my face, finally I would get that trash from the garbage chute! I found the trash in a small alcove on the outside of the building. My hands, trembling, rested on the pile of trash I had dislodged from the second floor. It smelled of garbage and fulfilled dreams. In it I found a coin with an old dude on it, probably a president or something, and an article about a murderer, a Walter Sullivan, who had murdered two children. When arrested he claimed that he was forced to commit the murders by a "red devil" who was trying to punish Sullivan for unspecified reasons. It may sound strange, but just then I was reminded of Mr. Cone Head. Mr. Cone Head's cone was blood red, and he certainly had a taste for administering punishment, but usually more of the garbage disposal variety. Anyway, Sullivan committed suicide in his jail cell after being arrested, so no skin off my ass after all. Once I get out of this apartment building maybe I can go spend my old man coin at the Happy Burger down the street. Get a nice milk shake.
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